I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
