Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
