Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize