If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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