i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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