Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
