Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
