yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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