i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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