My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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