I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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