Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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