Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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