But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize