i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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