Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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