tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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