Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Screwed.edu
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is my gift to your gina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
