chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize