are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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