Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
