You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
