yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the day after is always just damage control
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
two words...techno handjob
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
