I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have fence marks all over my body
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
