I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The air was thick with penises
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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