i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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