found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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