Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
