next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize