How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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