btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
