so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
