ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
