I heard we made out
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
