im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
babies were throwing up all over the place
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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