Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
