I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
