Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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