You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
