I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
