we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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