don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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