so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
