I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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