dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize