it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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