this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize