Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize