I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
