Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
