Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
