if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize