what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
