I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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