I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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