She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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