based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
