i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
