so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
