What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
