I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
