Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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