i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
