It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
