I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
