i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
