they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
