i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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