Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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