My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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