Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
