Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
