Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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