i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
