i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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